Meet Leah

When I walked through the doors of the YW Safer House for the first time, it felt like my life was just beginning.

Hi, my name is Leah, and I’m a survivor of human trafficking.

It’s a crazy feeling to look back on that day all those months ago. It feels like only yesterday, but at the same time also feels like a lifetime ago. Years of anxiety and fear lifted from my shoulders at that moment, and I felt like I finally had a chance to feel empowered and reclaim control of my life.

In the months leading up to my arrival at the Safer House, I had been desperate for a change. But, a voice in the back of my mind kept telling me that staying with my trafficker and relying on him for shelter and food was as good as my life was ever going to get. Things may have been bad with him, but that had been my life for so long that I couldn’t imagine anything different, let alone anything better.

But when I got here – to the Safer House – the voice went quiet.

After just a few weeks, I was full-steam ahead on rebuilding my life. I was ready to – I needed to – move past all the horrible things that had happened to me. I knew the first step was reconnecting with my family and, hopefully, being able to count on their support while I began my healing journey.

Things with my family had been strained for a long time before I met my trafficker. It’s like he knew that right from the start, and was able to say all the right things to make me think I could trust him. He told me he could be my new family and that he would love and support me more than my family ever did. I wanted that so badly. When I finally agreed to move in with him, he had already convinced me that I didn’t need my family and that he was the only one in my life that I should care about and rely on. Looking back now, the manipulation seems crystal clear. But at the time, I believed him when he said my family never loved me.

I spent a lot of time talking to the team at the Safer House about reuniting with my family. I knew that things wouldn’t be magically fixed by going home, but all I wanted during that time was to be with them in a place where I could at least pretend that the last few years never happened. When I finally reconnected with my family, I was finally able to tell them the truth of what happened to me… well, minus the details. I know my parents would be horrified and guilt-ridden if they knew everything that had happened to me, and the truth is, I wasn’t even ready to admit many of those things to myself yet. After speaking to my family, they welcomed me back with open arms and I was finally home again.

At first, it was great to be home and surrounded by loved ones. But, everything was so much harder than I expected – the simplest things that everyone else seemed to know how to do like getting groceries, going to appointments, and even deciding what I wanted to wear felt I was learning them for the first time because he had always insisted that he do those things for me. I figured that was just part of the process and that it would get easier each day. But then, my flashbacks started…and it was terrifying.

One night, I was sitting on the couch with my family. It was movie night, and the last thing I expected was to have what I later learned was my first panic attack. Looking back, I don’t even remember what part of the movie triggered me, or even which movie it was, because within seconds I felt like I was right back in that apartment, with him – sitting on the couch with some of the other girls he’d manipulated and feared for my life.

I couldn’t breathe.

I couldn’t see.

My heartfelt like it was going to explode. My parents stared back at me, looking terrified.

Later that evening I realized that I had experienced a panic attack. I had experienced other moments of anxiety since returning home, but this one was by far the scariest. I felt out of control of my own body… again.

When I called the Safer House Team Advocate to ask for advice, they recommended it might be a good idea to come back to the house. “We kept a bed available for you, in case you needed it,” she had said. I think they knew I wasn’t ready to leave, but couldn’t force me to stay once my heart was set on home. And so, I returned to the Safer House. This time I’m ready to start processing my trauma and to try and see myself as the strong woman that the team at the Safer House says I am. There are no shortcuts in my journey to recovery; it takes as long as it takes, and that’s ok.

I’m grateful to know this now, and I’m grateful to know there is a safe place for me to stay while I experience everything I need to experience to feel ready to return home – to live independently.

Thank you for making this possible for me.

Will you give survivors of human trafficking, like Leah, a home? Please consider becoming a monthly donor so that the YW can be the home they need during the most vulnerable times of their lives.